I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
