Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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