i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize