I feel great
I just peed on a car
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Life without a bra equals bliss.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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