i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Im part way to drunk.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
