end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
