There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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