Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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