help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize