I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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