if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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