saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize