I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
