Say something about gay babies.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
