She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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