I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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