My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
