Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
