Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I fill condoms, not promises.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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