She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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