Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
