it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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