She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
