I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
