Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
