I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
