I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
