i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
