the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
