sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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