Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
