Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
