its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize