I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
In America we eat man semen.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
