hotel room ftw
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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