I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
