yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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