You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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