oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
