Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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