now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
