She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
