you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
