is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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