i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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