Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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