I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
