Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
