Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize