Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
