I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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