There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
