I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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