4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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