apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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