so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize