bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
