Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
