It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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