No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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