And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
