My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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