Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize