Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
