I could have mohawked her pubes.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
